no, i'm just fat
This is required viewing. For everyone.
For the record, I am 195 and 5'2". I am fat.
But you know what? I'm through giving a shit about it. I eat generally well, compared to even a lot of skinny people I know. I am not a couch potato (admittedly, I'm not as active in the winter, but neither are a lot of people). I'm actually healthy, and my doctor will vouch for that if you ask her. And despite all that, I'm 195. It's just a number. It's not the end of the world. In fact, far from it.
Like Joy, my quality of life has not suffered because I'm fat. I've been married twice (and the divorces had nothing to do with my fatness). I've had boyfriends and lovers like whoa - a few times, several at a time, men fighting for my attention like I was Angelina Jolie or something. I've had decent jobs. I've had - and still have - some of the best friends a girl could want, and who have always involved me in their major life events (like weddings), regardless of my size. I go hiking, and camping, and scramble all over the place in hard-to-get-to places to take pictures of nature's beauty. I've traveled. In fact, my size hasn't stopped me from doing anything that I've wanted to do. I could go on and on, but the point is this: how much of this happened when I was thin?
None of it.
More and more, I'm finding myself not just accepting my size, but liking it. I take up space. (And indeed, a thin friend, some time ago, said that she wished she took up more space, making a bigger impression on the world around her.) I'm a big, colorful presence, and you. will. notice. me. Do I think I'm perfect? Not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. That's honest. So is this: not everyone who's fat is trying desperately to get thin!
Furthermore, I find it extremely insulting when people talk smack about a woman who's fat, in my presence, and then backpedal when I call them on it, saying, "Well, you're not fat!" I'm not fat? Are you blind? Do you really think I'm that stupid? What kind of idiot are you?
A lot of us, us fat women, don't point that out because we're fishing for compliments.
We point it out because we want you to think about what you're saying, and stop being such a goddamn jerk.
Fat doesn't equal lazy, or stupid, or unlovable, or white trash, or whatever. It's an adjective. All it means is that I don't fit into some people's narrow little minds.
For the record, I am 195 and 5'2". I am fat.
Like Joy, my quality of life has not suffered because I'm fat. I've been married twice (and the divorces had nothing to do with my fatness). I've had boyfriends and lovers like whoa - a few times, several at a time, men fighting for my attention like I was Angelina Jolie or something. I've had decent jobs. I've had - and still have - some of the best friends a girl could want, and who have always involved me in their major life events (like weddings), regardless of my size. I go hiking, and camping, and scramble all over the place in hard-to-get-to places to take pictures of nature's beauty. I've traveled. In fact, my size hasn't stopped me from doing anything that I've wanted to do. I could go on and on, but the point is this: how much of this happened when I was thin?
None of it.
More and more, I'm finding myself not just accepting my size, but liking it. I take up space. (And indeed, a thin friend, some time ago, said that she wished she took up more space, making a bigger impression on the world around her.) I'm a big, colorful presence, and you. will. notice. me. Do I think I'm perfect? Not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. That's honest. So is this: not everyone who's fat is trying desperately to get thin!
Furthermore, I find it extremely insulting when people talk smack about a woman who's fat, in my presence, and then backpedal when I call them on it, saying, "Well, you're not fat!" I'm not fat? Are you blind? Do you really think I'm that stupid? What kind of idiot are you?
A lot of us, us fat women, don't point that out because we're fishing for compliments.
We point it out because we want you to think about what you're saying, and stop being such a goddamn jerk.
Fat doesn't equal lazy, or stupid, or unlovable, or white trash, or whatever. It's an adjective. All it means is that I don't fit into some people's narrow little minds.
Comments
Fuckin ace post!! (scuse the swearing!)
You look fab anyway, funky and fun! :)))
From a fat girl who hasn't quite figured out her place in the world... thank you for this. It's encouraging. :)
I'm 5'4" and 189 last I checked, with about your same measurements. I'm fat too. And this year, I think I'm buying a bikini. So there!
Like your friend I often wish I was bigger.
I vary about four sizes because women's clothing is like that. I have to try everything on. It's silly to get depressed about something so wacky and fickle like a size tag, even if you're scared of fat.
After years of dieting that didn't work, and beating myself up, and eating disorders, and hating who I am, it's only been in the past few months (admittedly, since losing my dad) that I've really thought about it and realized that my priorities are health and quality of life. As long as those 2 things are in place, I'm happy - or working on it. I'm declaring my independence from The Pursuit of a Perfect Body, that's all.
If my health or mobility suffers, will I lose weight? Absolutely. Will I ever diet again in vain attempts to reach that size 0 Holy Grail? Not a chance.
Do I care if other people do it? No way! I'm not anti-diet or anti-weight-loss. I'm anti-diet for me. :)
for the record im 5'6" and 259. im not totally healthy, mostly due to diabetes, but heck, i do my best. and like you said, who cares. i wasn't any different when i was skinny (but then again that was 1st grade *giggle*). at this point in my life i'm finally accepting myself to who i am. and going: to heck with what anyone else thinks. it takes a lot to get to that point though. so i also understand the people that are still dieting because they are scared of a number.
thank you so much for posting this :) :) *hugs*
A-fucking-MEN.
You are an inspiration dear :) xxx
P.S. You look fab anyways!!!!
[and true]
For the record: I'm always late and a total bitch.
loved the post. : )
When I watch that video I see a girl with a very beautiful face. I worked with a big girl some time back and she always had her hair done, her nails done and her lipstick on...you must use what you have. She always looked pretty to me and her personality had alot to do with it also...confidence...
I'm a skinny, skinny girl and what I wouldn't give to gain afew lbs!! I guess we need to be happier with ourselves, be better people and not worry so much about what anyone else thinks.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
You sooooooo ROCK!!
As far as I can tell, I may be the first guy to weigh in (*cough* sorry, the pun wasn't intended) here.
Like Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts and I cannot lie. It is a sad commentary that today's society (at least, the younger generations) considers Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell ("full-figured" stars from the '50s) unattractively fat.
I won't deny that toned bodies *are* appealing, but I learned a number of years ago that even a 'pleasantly plump' girl can work it and still spark fire in a man's blood. Any thoughts of 'she's chubby' were quickly muscled out by, "damn, she's sexy"-- well dressed and exuding confidence and sex appeal. By the way, most guys would prefer models to have curves-- it's the designers that demand they be stick-thin. My motto: "better to have a rack and a trunk in the back."
Not surprisingly, neither I nor my wife are thin. I really have to remember that I want to trim down so clothes don't hurt, my energy rises a little more, and my back doesn't ache so much.
Sadly, although this is still considered a women's issue, it's slowly creeping up on guys-- some who will dope up and work out and come close to dying to get those six-pack abs, admiration from the ladies, glory in the sports arena-- or all of these things. Many are failing to realize guys generally don't starve themselves-- it's drugs and a fanatical and obsessive (and even dangerous) devotion to slavering exercise that is usually the rule. The voices of trainers telling men that bodybuilders and (gasp!) male models are not healthy examples are somewhat few, but they are out there.
Much props : )
Ditto Reesie. I've never been thin, personally, despite having played basketball and soccer in junior high and high school. And I never really cared to be more thin than I was. I have been too fat, fatter than was healthy, fatter than I felt comfortable with, but I have found that whatever weight I end up when I'm living a life I am happy and comfortable with is just fine, and I stay healthy and active. The key is to find the lifestyle I'm happy in, and my body follows. My husband would totally hate it if I lost my hips and other, erm, assorted fatty parts.
He, on the other hand, is way too thin and can't gain weight for the life of him, but that's another story.
Being fatter makes me sad. I feel like I have no energy and my clothes look like crap and don't fit and I look in the mirror and want to cry.
Saying this, I am 5ft 8 and have never really changed from a US size 8 so I've always been fairly in proportion. Being fatter than I am would destroy me.
Luckily I don't really have to diet, just eat sensibly - and thats the key thing. Most fat people eat too much.
At first, the statement "being fatter than I am would destroy me" made me incredibly angry, and I practically had to bite my fingers to keep from writing a snappish reply. But really, it just makes me sad. There is more to life than a clothing size or a number on the scale. If gaining weight means you feel like crap (less energy, health problems, etc), then yes, by all means, lose the weight and feel good. But numbers shouldn't arbitrarily make you feel bad about yourself.
I used to weigh 100lbs. (I was anorexic, btw.) Trust me, being fatter would NOT destroy you.
this post made me so happy.
~jenn
To people like Daisy, I would say hah - because in any other era of history, I would outlive you easily. Fat is a survival mechanism. Skinny people are toast as soon as the first famine comes around, and don't make their reserves back up fast enough in times of plenty. Centuries of natural selection have selected out the cream of the crop who naturally put on weight with a normal diet, who usually reach a stable weight (if they were truly overeating they would just keep putting weight on, and they don't, people generally stop when their body reaches the place it naturally wants to be.
I am a beautiful fat girl. I don't wear makeup, I don't do anything to my hair other than sticking it under the shower. The implication that I must DO something to myself in order to be beautiful is appalling, whether that be lose weight, or wear makeup or even to shave my legs - unless I actually enjoy one or all of those things, in which case I should go right ahead and do it. To do it because I would hate myself otherwise is just disgusting to me. Better to sort out that problem in my head than to take it out on my body, because experience tells me that when I pander to that problem in my head, it moves the goalposts constantly.
And that reminds me, I have a story - a sad one, but a story nonetheless. My boyfriend's grandmother was battling cancer about the same time my body was in the process of "stabilizing" at the weight it wanted to be at... I wasn't quite as happy with myself then, about a year ago, as I am now. Anyway, I said something about my weight, and she pooh-pooh'd me. "Women need to be big up here!" she said. "We have to survive harsh winters, we have to be able to work as hard as the men!"
Then she paused and added, sadly, "If I didn't work so hard to diet and get thinner, I would have had the reserves to fight this cancer." She died a couple months later.
Interestingly, my father emailed me an article about a month after she passed - a scientific article, mind you - saying that it's actually healthier to be overweight, especially as you get older, for the very reason that Gram said.
Maybe medical advances have seemed to make a lot of our body's natural survival instincts obsolete, but they can't erase ALL of them.
I've been overweight ALL MY LIFE until now, and really feel a bit foreign in a thin body....kind of like I'm wearing someone else's skin. I don't take up the full width of the chair anymore. And I wear a single digit size now....trust me, I am SHOCKED about that! For me, the extra weight was a hindrance health-wise, but maybe I shouldn't have lost THIS much. I kinda look like a scarecrow. And where I was full and round now I'm flat & saggy. I don't know this body. I think I was more comfortable heavier. :-/
:D
I'm fat too. (Honestly, I'm not as comfortable with my fat right now because I've gained more weight than my usual fat level as a result of some other issues, but generally I am OK with some fat.) I'm naturally a big girl -- by all measurements of height, weight, and personality. That's just how it is. I like to exercise, eat healthfully, and do "normal" things -- but I'll never be waif-like, in body or spirit.
At 5'4" and 115 pounds I have been scolded publicly for "being so little" and seen actresses my size berated for being "fat". If I let either dictate how I felt about myself I'd be one confused and sad duck.
I'm probably one of the biggest here at 6' 7" tall and weighing in at 385 pounds, give or take 10 pounds... (ahem). I am fat, but don't look 'that' fat, more like big-boned. I have always been big, so has most of my family. I eat butter (no margarine, yucky axle grease), yet eat healthy. The Doctor was suprised that I have low cholesterol (very low!) and normal blood pressure too. When asked about diet, I informed her that I eat healthy meals, lots of veggies and fruits, yet just eat too much (large portion size, no?). She referred me to the half-diet, just eat half of what you normally do! LOL!
I am very at ease with myself personally. My wife however is always about the fat comments. She herself has problems with weight, and therefore thinks so should everyone else. I appreciate her looking out for my health and wanting me thinner, just not at the extent of alienating me because of her beliefs on fat.
Thanks for sharing this!
I do, however, feel that I must make a comment about the fact that you are promoting the attitude that even though you are "mildy obese" (and by the way half way to mobidly obese according to the Body Mass Index or BMI scale) and not interested in doing anything about it. Moreover, you say you cannot do anything about it because you eat a pretty healthy diet and are relatively active.
While I do not really care one way or the other what you do with your life and your health I do think that it is a bit irresponsible for you to leave out (Accidentally? On purrpose?) the facts about the increased health risks associated with being as overweight as you are particularly given that you appear to be carrying your extra weight on your abdomen rather than your hips and thighs.
People that are mildly obese and carry their extra weight on their abdomens have a significantly higher risk of heart disease, hypertension, type-2 diabetes and certain cancers (http://www.obesity.org/subs/fastfacts/Health_Effects.shtml). This risk increase is relative to people with a healthy weight (note I said "healthy" weight not skinny).
I am glad that you are getting out and enjoying your life because with your current weight and attitude to it you are likely to be enjoying it for considerably less time than those who are already maintaining a healthy weight (or in my case working towards achieving a healthy weight).
Finally just to emphasise I am in no way suggesting that you or anyone should be aiming at model or movie star skinny when planning to lose weight. I am saying that everyone should focus on achieving and maintaining a healthy weight for their height.
These comments may not change your mind but they may make some of the people making "you go girl" comments take a moment to stop and have second thoughts about the attitude you are promoting.
First and foremost, I didn't make that video. The woman in the video is Joy Nash, a writer and actress in Los Angeles. You can check her out on her YouTube profile, if you like.
Second, I didn't omit anything from my post here, accidentally or otherwise, because I wrote this for me, period. I didn't set out to "promote" any "attitudes", and if you intended that part of the comment for the woman in the video, then by all means, direct your comment to Ms. Nash.
You're not telling me anything that I don't already know. But the plain and simple facts of my situation are, whether you choose to believe them or not:
1. I eat an excruciatingly healthy, low-fat, high-fiber diet, at a calorie level that would typically result in weight loss (apparently, in anyone but me).
2. I am not, and never will be, a gym rat, but I maintain a moderate activity level for cardiovascular health... and this will increase as we thaw out from long Maine winters and I start hiking again.
3. By the way, I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. I am, however, on prescription medication that may contribute to my ability to lose weight. I've weighed the pros and cons, and decided that I'm better off ON the medication, so it stays.
4. I receive annual physical exams, and, so far, am the picture of good health. Of course this can change at any time - that much can happen to anyone, including you.
I'm all about good health, but my problem with the concept of "reasonable weight for your height" is that those charts and scales are often unrealistic. My goal weight according to doctors' charts is something ridiculous like 110-125lbs. The last time I weighed 110, my doctor wanted to hospitalize me - bones were jutting out all over my body, and I barely had the energy to get out of bed and walk downstairs. Will I ever go back there, just for the sake of arbitrarily measuring up to some chart? Absolutely not.
You haven't changed my mind about anything, as you knew you wouldn't, because there's nothing to change. I have a healthy lifestyle, and this is the way I look, and that's all there is to it. That was all I was saying right from the get-go.
As for enjoying my life, I shall... as did my grandfathers (both 80), maternal great-grandmother (97), paternal great-grandfather (90), paternal great-grandmother (93), and as my paternal grandmother (84) still does. By the way, did I mention that they were/are all overweight?
its how YOU view yourself, if your happy then wounderful! if everyone were the same life would be boring.
(I just recently became okay with my image, 18 long years man...)
I love this!
247lbs, 5f 6i and I bike ride 6 miles almost everyday! I also Love myself to much! Boys love me! I rock and I think you do too. I love that video!
for me fat is beautiful.
pathetic are those who consider being fat as being less of a person.
bmi charts don't take into account a lot of things. mine at 5'8' told me that i should weigh oh so very little. when i was at the gym 6 days a week for almost 3 hours a day, eating everything as perfectly as i could, i still weighed more than 200 hundred pounds. well more than 200 pounds. i've gained some of the weight back that i had lost, due to poorer eating habits and less exercise (but geez everyday for over two years at the gym for hours and hours, i was even more mentally ill than i am now). i think that there is a weight that is healthy for everyone as individuals. some people are made to be tiny, some to be larger. i mean obviously it's never good to be medically obese. but i take offense to the person who called you obese. you certainly are not.
i'm happy that you're comfortable in your own skin. and i feel sorry for people who let the number on the scale or the sales rack dictate their very lives to them. their parents obviously didn't raise them to have very high self esteem. i'm fat, yes i said it too, FAT. i'm in a wonderful committed relationship with a man that i love (i didn't have to 'settle' for someone who has a fetish for fat chicks, or is 'ugly' or somehow low on the totem pole), my cholesterol, trigylicerides, blood pressure are all good. i do plan on losing weight because i'm lacking in the energy i had when i was lighter. but i will never be "skinny" nor do i want to be. when i first started losing weight and i told me friends how much i wanted to weigh based on the bmi, they were horrified. i would have bones jutting out.
thank you for this post. you're great. forgive my rambling it's 1 in the morning ;-)
Then, I will try to learn the attitudes in the video. Some things are just hard to tell yourself (that it's okay that you don't wear a size four, for example) and we need reminders like this video and your post to help us.
Thanks, Atomic!
And it really hurts...
Perhaps some day, I will get over the "want" of getting thin as well... Good on you for not allowing yourself to conform to society's views..!
This is such an inspiring and motivating video and post. Joy is a GOREOUS girl and i love what she is wearing and she does not look like the image of a 224Lbs person i've got in my mind, she sounds intelligent, dresses good and is gorgeous, screw weight.
Although now i have a "normal" weight i was heavier and chubby a few years ago and i was really worried about my looks and what other people thought, like joy says in the video i kept excusing not doing certain things with my weight.
Thanks for posting this, i hope TONS of people see this and realize what Joy is saying its true.
And btw you look lovely in that skirt with those legging and shoes!
After seeing your reply to Steve, I am especially in love with you.
I hate that attitude. I would like to point out that heart disease and diabetes and so forth are only correlated with obesity. Obesity cannot be said to cause any of them because thin and "healthy weight" people do get them, too. For all we know, all of them are caused by some third thing or things that manifest differently in different people.
Right on! I love it! I'm fat....and healthy... And tired of people telling me that "your not fat, just big boned" Umm, right, do the bones make my tummy rolls too? ;) hehehe
**big hugs!**
Thank you for clarifying who actually made the video. I incorrectly assumed that you had something to do with the production of the video when in fact you were merely using it in your post.
Yes the BMI system is not perfect at the extremes and for certain people such as yourself whose weight may be influenced by an external factor such as medication. It is, however, a useful guideline for the majority of the population to get a reasonable indication of what their healthy weight should be.
I also agree that the middle of the BMI healthy weight range might be too thin for some people but if for example a person checks their BMI and finds out that they are well into the mildly obese category it will hopefully prompt that person to at least do something about your weight. In your case you found that you are doing all of the right things but due to external factors you it is difficult for you to reduce your weight.
Moreover, I think it would be reasonable to assume that the high number of people in the USA (and in Australia for that matter) who are mildly or morbidly obese are not like you in so much as they are doing the right things for their weight. The majority of them could sensibly modify their food intake (i.e. type and quantity) or levels of exercise and reduce their weight.
I suppose the thing that annoyed me the most about the video is that it was strongly pushing the message that it is OK to be overweight. This is something that I should and will take up with the video maker.
Finally, I found this interesting web site when looking for weight information. This web page (http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm) gives you recommended body weight based on your height, gender, and age. It also takes into account a "People's Choice" weight based on what similar people think is a good weight. I have found that the information returned by this page is less harsh than the straight BMI tables.
The page to which I referred to in my original post shows the increased likelihood of getting one of the many health problems listed in the groups that were overweight by varying degrees.
Also I did NOT say or imply that being overweight causes the conditions I mentioned. I DID say that research has shown (with a reference) that people who are overweight have a higher likelihood of getting the various health problems with respect to people who are of a healthy weight.
Many of these health conditions obviously have multi-factorial causes (e.g. my mother died of colon cancer and was of a healthy weight all of her life) but the correlations point toward the fact that being overweight is one of those many causes of the conditions. Moreover, I am sure you can find research that is able to explain why being overweight contributes to many of the conditions.
I think the difficulty with both Joy's video and my post is that although there's a definite implication (well, ok, it was openly stated) that the standard recipe of diet + exercise doesn't always have the desired results, there's not really much emphasis on continuing to do it anyway, for the sake of your health. To me, that's part of where our society is going drastically wrong: we've been conditioned to believe that the sole reason you diet and exercise is to attain that Perfect Body (tm). I think that when that doesn't happen, some people (fat AND thin, mind you) give up on the concept, without thinking about the other benefits... usually, until there's a health problem to deal with.
If I had EVER thought that this post would end up on TIG and get such an incredible response, I would have put that in there, because I really do feel, almost religiously these days, that a healthy diet and exercise is important. I won't make generalizations or assumptions about other people who are obese, but I will say that I think, in general, our entire modern society has evolved such that we're moving away from two things that sustained us for centuries - fresh, preservative-free food, simply prepared, and actual physical work - without giving a whole lot of thought to why and how that sustained us. I think that may be a whole separate rant of mine, though. :) (I'm a HUGE proponent of natural, unprocessed foods, as much as possible, as if you hadn't guessed.)
Anyway, I do thank you for the thoughtful commentary and conversation - it's always nice to meet someone who will discuss their dissenting opinion.
This is beyond good.I'm fat too (5'6" and 205lbs) and if I use that word to describe myself people often look aghast and back-peddle to take back whatever they said to me that made me state the obvious! It's as if I said I was depressed or suicidal and they think they have to help me out of it.
I know how I got here- food and genetics. I'm in for the long haul and I'm usually okay with it.
Thank-you for sharing this. It made me cry- but in a good way. I need to go and share this with the world.
i have skinny friends who people look at in disgust because if they're that skinny then they must be anorexic, please give that damn girl a sandwich. i have skinny friends who think that 5 extra pounds is grounds for suicidal ideation. i'm tired of hearing people who are at a healthy weight, or even skinny, cry and gnash their teeth because they cannot fit into a size 2. you are not less of human being if you cannot fit into a size 2. and that's what that video is trying to teach us. you still have a right to be respected, treated as a person, and loved by yourself and others even if you are FAT. so many skinny people do not love themselves as i, or joy, or atomic love ourselves. and that is sad. that sickens me that we seem to have this notion in the western countries that even being a size 10 is "plus sized" and that you have no right to wear certain clothing or date certain guys if you have some back fat and a big butt. that it's okay to starve yourself and mutilate your body as long as it means fitting into a single digit size. i'm sure most heavier people are a hell of a lot more healthy than nicole richie or the olsen twins are, subsisting on cigarettes and half cafe skim lattes.
for god's sake, LOVE YOURSELF. it is okay to be just who you are. just strive to be healthy. my god, when i hear a nine year old girl complain to her friend about how fat she is, it makes me want to scream.
sheesh i've gone off on a tirade in your comments, my apologies, atomic.
have a great day.
Health - at any size - is good. Obsessing over being a smaller size for the sake of being a smaller size - not good. You can waste a lot of living that way.
I don't have children, so I'm not in a position where I'd hear a 9-year-old say such a thing, but I find that horrifying. Fergodsakes, feed your children healthy food, make sure they run around and play outside, and teach them these habits that will (hopefully) stay with them for the rest of their lives, but also take the time to teach them that fat isn't the end of the world. I'm willing to bet that 9-year-old wasn't fat to begin with, anyway.
I wish I was brave enuf to show this to my dad! Luv me for who I am, dammit....
This is EXACTLY what I have been wanting to say for the past SEVEN YEARS. You took the words out of my noggin.
I've heard murmurings that men can get away with being fat... that's being pushed out to the margins these days, seriously. Men may not be socially castrated for being fat, but we get comments, too. I've talked with guys that lament the fact that we could spill a little food on ourselves but be looked down upon simply because we were fat, where skinny folk could get away with it more.
The only difference is that the image is not so much "beautiful and comely" as it is "powerful, can-do", etc. when it comes to guys. It's not sufficient to be thin-- you've got to have muscles. And so guys will continue to abuse steroids and anything legal that can come close to it to achieve that look and/or get an athletic edge.
I've enjoyed weight training. I really have. It *does* help the body. But do I want to get so obsessive that my insides give out due to all the drugs I'm pumping through it so I have have surgery to remove some of it and to poop in a bag? Or deal with 'roid rage? Or collapse at the gym, or the basketball court, etc.? No thank you.
It's been well commented if you are not psychologically well, and do not address any psychological issues tied to diet and exercise, efforts will fail, every single time. You don't go over to someone at OA and just tell them that they just need to shape up and get with the program. If there are obsessive and compulsive issues involved, I think just touting the health dangers is gonna get you crucified real fast.
The message is not so much 'being fat is OK' as it is 'if your doctors say you are well physically and emotionally, if you're still fat, you shouldn't beat yourself up'.
I think it's a really calloused attitude to tell people who are victims of trauma-- physical, emotional, sexual abuse-- that they are fools because they are trying to self-medicate with food. Sure it's wrong! But just spouting out health facts is not going to help them a whit. Taking a hardline stance is really part of the problem.
If weight wasn't such an obsession, I think those that are fat for reasons of psychological stress would be able to heal a little easier-- and become thinner on their own, and those that were simply genetically programmed to be fat because our bodies evolved for Stone Age considerations would not receive so much criticism and grief.
it's great that you lead an active and fun lifestyle, but maybe it's not the same for everyone, so i hope that it doesn't send the wrong message to some people who are obese and think it's okay even when they're not doing anything about it :)
in my university, there are a lot of SKINNY people (especially since I live in Asia). some are so skinny that their heads look big. it's scary XD;;
Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed your post :)
I debated with myself whether or not to respond to this again, after reading some of the comments... this issue is so close to me that I can only share my personal experience, for what it's worth.
I've been either overweight or obese since I was 13. I thought I was overweight way before that. I can distinctly remember feeling fat in fourth grade and possibly even earlier, but childhood photos reveal that I was a healthy, normal-sized kid. In retrospect, I think I had (and still have) an eating disorder. Instead of starving or purging, I comfort myself with food. But for all the diet programs I've attended and nutritionists I've seen, the real problem - emotional eating and binging - was never directly addressed.
Fat doesn't mean stupid. I know I'm fat, and I know that, from a strictly medical standpoint, eating more calories than I burn is what put me here. I know that there are many health risks associated with being fat. It's not like I don't realize that I've put myself in a precarious situation with regards to my health - I nag myself about my weight every single day, to the point of obsession.
And yet, for all that knowledge and all that nagging, I struggle to lose weight. You can come at me with BMI charts and statistics, and many people have, but it won't make a difference. I've certainly taken steps to lead a healthier lifestyle - I religiously walk 1.5 miles 5 days a week, not bad for a fat girl - but my mental health continues to hold me back.
It's a mentality - not about my weight, but about my self. Even when I wasn't fat, even when I was just a little fat, I was not good enough. So I ate to take the edge off, and eventually my weight became the focal point of my unrest, the physical manifestation of a much greater problem.
I currently rest at 275 pounds, 5'5". I'll be seeing my fourth nutritionist soon, but this time I'm coupling the nutrition counseling with emotional counseling, because I've realized that there's more to this problem than just me being fat. A huge part of it is about being unhappy with myself. But it took me years to figure this out - years of unhappiness and binging and obsessing and comforting myself with food.
In my case, obesity was not the crux of the problem, but a side effect.
That's what inspired me about this post - I didn't see it as "fat positive" encouragement, but "self positive" encouragement, and I think we could all use more of that. I only write about my experience here because I think it proves the point that "Fat people eat too much" is a drastically oversimplified attitude toward the obesity trend in our society.
I have to say that seeing overweight patients in the ER who have health issues directly related to their weight has been a major motivation for me to exercise regularly and get in shape. By "shape" I don't mean skinny ... you know me, I'll never be a stick -- I have way too much muscle for that. I just want to be toned and strong, and I'm really getting there. I need physical strength for my job, too. Some of my coworkers are overweight, and they sometimes make comments about me "getting skinny" and "wasting away to nothing." Ha ha, scrubs are very forgiving ... but I am NOT apologizing for getting into shape. They need to get over it. I sure as hell don't make comments about them getting larger; why is the reverse any more acceptable?
And I absolutely LOVED Joy's video. I really liked the point she made about healthy diet and exercise being key, but not giving up because you don't end up skinny. I can't emphasize how important it is to all body systems to get some sort of regular exercise, be it as simple as walking a few times a week! So many of the patients we see just aren't doing it at all, and they're suffering for it.
Casey, I've known you for almost a decade, can you freakin' believe that? I've known you at all shapes and sizes, and I know you're a fabulous person who won't let anything get in the way of living your life as you desire. I know you've been struggling with this, and I'm glad to see this attitude shift! *hugs* I know how you eat, and I know you're active ... and I can't WAIT for the nice weather so we can hike around our house! I like my kickboxing DVDs, but damn, I need some fresh air. :)
And I realized I have not been on Vox in a long, long time!! Sheesh.
If weight wasn't such an obsession, I think those that are fat for reasons of psychological stress would be able to heal a little easier-- and become thinner on their own, and those that were simply genetically programmed to be fat because our bodies evolved for Stone Age considerations would not receive so much criticism and grief.
Seriously, man. AMEN. :)
I owe the attitude shift to 2 things: the fatshionista group on livejournal, and my dad's passing, in combination. I think I honestly didn't give a shit about diet any further than what I needed to do to manage my IBS until Dad died, even though there isn't any proof one way or the other than his cancer was caused by anything he did or didn't eat or do. It just makes sense to take care of your health - there's nothing difficult or painful about it. (Well, ok, those first few days of Tae-Bo were kinda rough, but you know what I mean. LOL)
And as for the fatshionistas, they made me see that I'm really not alone, which is important. You CAN eat well and exercise and still weigh 50lbs more than you're supposed to, and it's not the end of the world. It really isn't. So here I am now. :)
No, you should definitely not apologize for getting into shape... I think what your coworkers are doing are sort of backhanded compliments. Our culture is such that we feel it's perfectly ok to make comments like that, because thinner = better, and therefore it's not anything "bad", no matter how they word it. I'm not making excuses for them, I swear. Kick 'em in the kneecaps. Just kidding!
And you KNOW I can't wait for spring. It's been brutal here - warm by my standards (50ish) but we still have 2 feet of snow! And the hiking trails up around Katahdin won't open for at least another month, if not 2. (I don't remember if it's May or June.) It's KILLING me. I walk around the neighborhood, even though it's boring, but you know I'm itching to get up in the mountains!
Anyway. *hugs* Thanks for commenting here. :) I was surprised to see you!
:) Of course BMI doesn't always work for the opposite reasons!
Fat scan shows up 'true' obesity ~ where very muscular people have crazy BMI, such as the guy they scanned @ BMI 28 who is a fanatic rower, or the fact that the British army will now consider recurits with a BMI of 32 ~ although they would have to be FIT. And of course you get reports on what obesity looks like, which is scary in that most of those guys don't look obese - plump, yes.
I think that people should try be healthy and not concentrate too hard on numbers ~ however weight / BMI is 'easy' to focus on as it is a clear cut number that goes up or down (in my case, with my menstural cycle). Its like calorie counting ~ absurdly easy in principle, very difficult in fact and forgets the whole 'excersise, eat healthy rather than just less'.
But what I also think is that being fat doesn't mean you are stupid, or that you should be vilified as if you were a puppy killer.
That. Made. My. Day. Great positive thinking.
Through my own struggles (some continuing) with both mental health issues and eating disorders, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't combat those things with just "eat better and exercise and this is what you should weigh". It doesn't work. It's not a failing of the person, you and I, but a failing of society to be educated enough to immediately recognize that "fat" is NOT a black-and-white issue. (And that's what I hope EVERYONE has gotten out of this, in one way or another.)
For some people, yes, obesity is the problem. But in probably a lot more cases than anyone will admit, it's a symptom. And I agree completely - our society's attitude towards ANY weight issue (to a lesser extent, extremely thin women have problems as well) is overly simplified. Really, even our own ways of dealing with our relationship with food are simplified, as evidenced by how many times you've seen a nutritionist, or how many different diets I tried before I realized that what I thought was the problem was actually the manifestation of the real problem.
Good luck with your new nutritionist, and also with the counseling, which I do hope you'll go through and have success with. :)
Let's back up the truck here. Stats then comments. I am 5'8" and 175-180 depending on time of day, what I'm wearing, and what time of month it is. A year ago I weighed, only a guess now 'cause the scale scared me, roughly 225-230. Might be more for all I know. Size 20 was probably the right size clothes for me then. I guess it probably varied too. I didn't shop a lot because I hated myself.
So, here I sit, still overweight. My current BMI, according to the page your buddy Steve put a link to, ;-) put me at 26.6. I'm overweight. I guess I should say fat. I don't really look fat. I'm in that not really ideal body weight stage but not really 'fat' stage. I've been here for a few months. I wear a size 12 most of the time. My waist is a little generously sized. I've had babies and spent my entire adult life as obese. And that's brings me to something that I didn't see discussed and should be.
When a person spends many, many years overweight your skin and body changes. Not for the better in my opinion. I was all set to buy a new swimsuit for summer this year and then I walked in front of the floor mirror with just undies on. My upper thighs, and I knew this but didn't want to admit it, my upper thighs are disgustingly gross! They aren't traditionally fat. The skin HANGS! It's all wrinkled and UGLY looking. That's to me....my husband says he loves the way I look though he is starting to miss the breasts I used to have. He keeps telling me not to lose anymore weight. That's the point. Doctors, BMI's, health and fitness guru's they don't seem to take into account the fact that I probably have 10 pounds of extra skin hanging around my body that I can't get rid of without plastic surgery. What am I supposed to do about it?I am not interested in getting cut up. I have to live with myself the way I am but in the meantime the other people all seem to think I should lose weight. I just don't want other women to discount themselves simply for having extra skin.
According to all the stats I should lose another 10 pounds and then continue to lose more to meet the middle range. Somewhere around 140 to 150 would be considered ideal. I want to be ok with me now. I just don't know if you can teach an old dog new tricks but I want to try because I have 5 kids from almost 27 down to 15 and I bloddy well want them all to be happy with themselves regardless of weight. No emotional stress.
One of my friends said she'd rather be fat then have hanging skin. I don't like that statement either but the truth is if you have significant weightloss and you're middle aged like me you are going to so be prepared.
Great post. I hope people continue to read it.
(fyi, you're beautiful)
thanks so much for posting that video & your blog. its good to hear that its ok to be [fat] me.
i'm 5'1" and 175, and damnit its ok!
I have been working on getting into better shape - losing weight, eating right, building muscle - but not because I wasn't happy when I was fat. Not because I think "fat" equates to any of those negative adjectives you listed. Only because I want to be able to keep up with my kids, wear pantyhose that don't have a number after the "Q" (I'm tall, too - no changing that!), shave my legs and breathe at the same time...y'know.
Weight never affected the quality of my love life, my career, my friends, or my overall happiness. My kids love me. Being overweight may have contributed to plantar fasciitis, lack of energy, and stiff joints as I got older. But that's about it. I was 205 lbs. when I got pregnant with my son twelve years ago, and gained another 36 lbs. before I was done. I didn't "plan" that pregnancy so far ahead of time I could have lost weight in preparation for it, and we were both totally healthy throughout.
I love food. I do. Life without taste just wouldn't be any fun, in my opinion. I'm trying to maintain a healthy weight - not aiming to be skinny as a stick - and I don't care how long it takes. I'm going to eat good food when it comes my way. Just, maybe, a little less of it.
Self-confidence and genuinely liking yourself are far more sexy than anything having to do with size or appearance.
I decided that I'm no longer going to weigh myself. Just going to focus on eating healthy and being fit so that I don't fall apart when I'm old. I've lived my entire life defining myself by some unachievable number and it's ridiculous.
"the secret to staying permanently slim?
choose...two thin parents.
ideally choose 4 thin grandparents as well.
i'm just sayin'."
awesome post!
It is still slow in catching up with men-- give it time. Our traditional masculine role orients us to action. Do not look so much for the shamed fat man-- look for the hardcore and would-be athletic men addicted to exercise, and obsessed with bodybuilding or achieving that edge in the sports they play. Look for drug abuse-- steroids and 'legal' synthetic supplements that come close but are not supposedly the real deal. Look for bodybuilders who have ravaged their bodies so hard they had to have GI tracts removed and now they must poop in a bag, or at least, want their skin 'paper thin' and to build bigger and bigger muscles.
There is a female side as well-- many female fitness athletes, bodybuilders, and wrestlers have had (or still have) body image problems. Some were bulimic or anorexic, and decided to build muscle to achieve control instead. I cannot honestly say these women have escaped their demons, particularly as there is controversy of steroid use in fitness (female) competitions.
awesome message - awesome video!
As a 5"3' woman who weighs a little over 190 pounds, and has been over the 170 pound mark for a few years now, I couldn't disagree more, Xina. In my last relationship my partner actually got upset when I got ill for a while and lost about twenty pounds. At the moment I am slowly taking off some weight because of some health issues, and my husband asked me not to loose too much... while holding a great healthy handful of my "yummy tummy".
I have heard too many people define a love of "women of ample girth" as a fetish. Bah! Humbug! I'm not denying there are fetishists out there, but there are also a ton of men who just adore the look of a bit of meat on their "pudding". Same as there are plenty of people out there who prefer one eye color or hair color or height range over another.
And - most of the time I meet one of these men (i.e. when the topic of fat comes up) they nearly always comment on how sad it is that these utterly gorgeous women spend all their time running themselves down over their fat. I just feel that if I were one of those guys I would feel a bit sad too if I complimented my love on her gorgeous body and she said how much she hated it, if she wouldn't let me touch her all over, but instead shielded the most hated parts of her body from my touch.
I'm just saying that I don't think it is as rare as you think. I just think that people are very capable of closing themselves off to the possibilities. If a woman hates her fat, of course she is going to be uncomfortable with someone who loves her for it, and will want to pathologize that person.
Your post is wonderful! Thanks for sharing your thoughts --- and the comments are also very interesting reading.
I'm 5'6 and 185-ish. My clothes are unattractive because alot of them were the clothes that I wore when I was 5'6 and 110. I also have health issues. I can't get form-fitting clothes or health help because of financial issues. I hate my heavier body and tend to blame it for my alot of my unhappiness. But I may be starting to realize that I was just as unhappy when I was so thin that friends were worried about me and would tell me I needed to put on some weight.
This is a great post. Thanks again.
my last post didnt work ill post it again lol im tom im 5ft 4 185 i consider myself fat not huge but its hard for me cause people cant look past that fact like i cant find a girl who would like me for me and look past the fact that im fat i sometimes wonder is there any girl that would look past it lol
that's why I use Viagra Online for please my girl
buy viagra online
Bacterial Infection Causes
but im not fat, or am attracted to fat guys (no offense) but i like 'fat' stuff. I like fat puppies and fat kitties and just fat fat fat fat fat :) tell me im not alone on this.......
Soft Cialis
cheap viagra
Generic Viagra
buy generic viagra